Service
by AngstyShenko
Summary: "Placing his hand on her shoulder, Anderson's voice came out calm but firm. 'Shepard, one of the greatest things a soldier has is purpose. Whether that's your mama back at home or the greater good of the human race, I don't give a -, but you need to find one'" The long-awaited sequel to Training. AU. Rated T for some language. Now complete!
1. Home

**A/N: If you haven't read my previous story, ****_Training,_**** I recommend it. There isn't a lot that will be referenced in here, but since this is an A/U story, it will help give background to Lauren and Kaidan. Thank you for reading!**

The building was three stories tall, typical for a high school. Lauren Shepard, who would be turning 16 in two months, shivered from the cold and a touch of anxiety as she walked toward the building. For once she was glad she had attended Biotic Acclimation and Temperance, hellhole that it was, because it did teach her biotic control. Two years ago, she would have been flaring and kids would be screaming. "I guess the dirty bastard was good for something," she muttered about a dead and gone turian.

After Conatix sent everyone home from BAaT when her friend, Kaidan Alenko, killed their turian instructor, Vyrnnus, in self-defense, many of the parents began questioning what had gone on there with their children. Many of the teens were at the least emotionally scarred, but some had serious detrimental effects to their psychological well-being. It took three months and pressure from the turians as well before the Alliance Parliament decided to form a committee to investigate Conatix's dealings. A few students, including Lauren, sent written testimonies of the kind of operation Conatix was running. Lauren's testimony was detailed and precise. She remembered many of the comms that she and Kaidan had discovered before his omni-tool got destroyed. The Parliament sent a letter of thanks to Lauren, but kept her and the other students identities private (she was told that others had written in) because most of them were minors. In the letter it also said all records would be sealed and there would be no further investigations.

Lauren sat down in her class. It had been about 7 months since she had left Jump Zero. Her parents had decided that putting her into therapy was more important than starting school with everyone else in August. It was awkward to start in the school year in February, but the school's principal took her classes from Brain Camp, as the biotic teens had called BAaT, and placed them toward her graduation requirements, and it turned out she was actually ahead of schedule. Well, she was ahead academically, at least, she thought. Socially, she felt as inept as ever. She looked around to see any friendly faces, but everyone already seemed to be engaged with everyone else.

She looked straight ahead and decided she missed Kaidan. That really didn't happen often. She had gotten Kaidan's contact information as she got off the shuttle in Chicago, but she had never tried to use it. He had seemed so broken, his spirit so disjointed, that she didn't have the heart to try to talk to him. She thought him seeing her would probably just reopen the wounds. She wanted to miss Indira Kuthari, and she had talked with her on a couple occasions but the Indi she knew now wasn't the Indi she had known at BAaT. Her friend was in a different world now. She would see things that weren't there and say stuff to people who weren't around. Sometimes Indi would talk like they were still at Brain Camp. Lauren always came away from the conversations depressed, deciding each time that distance was better, but her heart still ached for the quiet dark-haired girl she once knew.

A bell rang and a teacher entered the room. "Good morning everyone. We have a new student with us today. Lauren Shepard, welcome to Northside," the man said. "Where did you move here from?"

"Uh," she stammered. Her parents had been in Chicago since she was born. How could she explain the nearly two year gap that she wasn't in school in the area unless she told everyone what she really wanted to keep quiet? The principal knew she was a biotic because of her BAaT credits, but she would rather let everyone else believe she was normal. "I, uh, am actually from here. My parents were homeschooling me, but thought that I should get the best education I can before I start my Alliance career."

The teacher smiled. "We're glad to have you as a Mustang. I hope everyone will help Lauren integrate into our family." He turned and started writing out a complicated algebra equation. Lauren settled in, flipped on her datapad and followed along.

x-X-x

Kaidan Alenko ran his hand through his shaggy dark hair and sat up in his bed. "Happy birthday, Kaidan!" his mother, Ivy, said as she peeked her head into his room.

"Thanks Mom," he said sleepily.

"When you're ready, I've made you a special breakfast, dear."

"I'll be down in a bit. Thanks."

He walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He stared at himself for a minute. He was 19. Only 19 and already a murderer. He scrubbed his face with his hands. He wondered when the day would come when his mind wouldn't start condemning him the moment he woke up. Months of talking with a therapist had at least taken away the shock of it all, but it hadn't removed the guilt he still felt.

"You know, Kaidan, everything you did was in self-defense," the therapist had said more than once. He wished he could believe it, but he knew deep down, he wanted that turian dead, and for a few short moments right after he kicked Vyrnnus against the wall, he felt elated. No normal person felt like that. Not one with any sort of conscience.

He was trying to move on. He had his university classes that helped keep him occupied. Pre-med was definitely full of work, but it was the downtime, like right before bed, or when he woke up, that his mind went back to that dark place. Occasionally he would dream about killing Vyrnnus in myriad ways. He would wake up laughing over the turian's body, but he never told the therapist about that. She'd probably think he was a psychopath.  
When he didn't dream about Vyrnnus, he would dream about Rahna Zorlu, the beautiful exotic girl he had been in a relationship with at BAaT. That is, he _was_ romantically involved until he killed Vyrnnus. Rahna saw what he had done and ran away screaming for him to never talk to her again. She was good at keeping promises. Seven months and not a word from her. After all this time, he wasn't sure if he did want to hear from her or not, but his body definitely missed her. Kaidan's mind wandered to her soft sighs and even softer body. He had wanted something with her, but that was a lifetime ago, and now maybe it was just the_ idea_ of her that was comforting. But when Rahna crept into this thoughts, Lauren Shepard would find her way there soon after.

Lauren. Thinking about her was confusing. She was three years younger, practically a kid, but he watched her transform at BAaT, mostly without knowing. She was awkward and wiry when they met, but she developed into a beautiful woman. He smiled briefly remembering his bunkmate, Jason Mathewson, bringing her more mature figure to his attention. There had always been something attractive about her, but she was so…so…Kaidan wasn't sure what the word was to describe her. He had liked her, but he was, in the end, kind of intimidated by her. She was determined like no one he had ever known before. She had seemed so angry and betrayed when she caught him and Rahna kissing. Her friendship turned cold, until those last weeks, when she finally turned to him for help in her assumptions about BAaT's ulterior motives. Then they were separated by the heavy hand of Vyrnnus, and suddenly despite all that, for a time, he had felt closer to her than even Rahna. It didn't make any sense.

And it wasn't until he killed the turian that he saw who was truly loyal. Lauren stayed by him, unafraid after he unleashed his dark side, even as Rahna ran away. But then again, he thought, maybe she was. She had asked him for contact information, but he hadn't heard from her. It really wasn't that big of a deal anyway. He didn't think she would ever contact him, so he never felt bad that she hadn't.

He turned on the shower and climbed in. He had class to get to at 10:00 and lab after lunch at 12:30. There were more important things to think about than girls he used to know.

**Post A/N: I have several chapters sitting in the wings. I appreciate all feedback, including if I am staying true to the characters that I had created in the previous story!**


	2. Fitting In

**A/N: A little warning...substance abuse in this chapter.**

October 6, 2171. Kaidan leaned back on the couch and flipped on his datapad. He started to read the chapter that he had dreaded since the class started. "Human Biotics" it was uninterestingly titled, but for him it held all his own self-loathing and all the prejudices everyone else had. "Biotics can be divided into three catagories based on their contamination with Element Zero." _Even the textbook writers think we're subhuman_, he thought. "Primary, secondary, and temporary based on red sand use." Kaidan automatically labeled himself a secondary biotic as he moved on.

"Hey Alenko! Dude, you study too much!" A lanky young man entered the room.

"Shut your fucking hole, Brady," Kaidan snapped at his roommate. "You don't study enough."

"Tsk, tsk, Alenko. We don't talk like that in front of ladies," said Tyler Brady, as he opened the door wider and swooped his hand out to two pretty girls entering the room. "Leslie, Kyra, that's my dumbass roomie, Kaidan Alenko. He has a stick up his ass."

The girls giggled and Kaidan felt a slight heat on his face. He looked up and saw Brady pulling a bag from his backpack. "You, my ever-so-studious friend, are behind. I've already read the chapter and it gave me an idea." Brady winked toward the small bag. "Have a seat, ladies. Alenko won't bite."

Kaidan curiously put his datapad down and moved to make room for the girls. The cute redhead sat next to him and smiled. "Hi, I'm Kyra. We met Tyler in chem lab. I'm a nursing major and so is Leslie. Are you pre-med like he is?"

"Yeah, but I don't know why you'd want to hang out with an asshole like him," Kaidan joked, enjoying her attention.

"Well, he promised us a good time with him and his sexy roommate," Kyra laughed.

"_He_ called me sexy?" Kaidan said in a low voice, raising an eyebrow.

Blushing, Kyra looked at her hands. "No, not exactly."

"Alenko, hey, there will be plenty of time for that later, as long as the girls want to stay," said Brady. "But first, it's time for a little show." Picking up a tiny pinch of the substance in the bag in his fingers, Brady took a big sniff. "This is red sand. You wouldn't believe how easy it is to get!"

Kaidan looked a little incredulous at his roommate. "What does it do?"

Brady shook his head a little and gave a little wave. "Watch. Hold still, Les." His body began to emit a blue glow that Kaidan instantly recognized. Brady used one arm and lifted the petite dark-haired girl at the end of the couch. She squealed and giggled excitedly.

"Oh my God, Tyler! This tickles! I want to try!" she laughed.

Kaidan had never told anyone at the university about his own biotic abilities for fear of being ostracized like he had been as a kid. As a kid, he had been proud of being able to lift things with his mind. His friends' parents did not like that sometimes those things were people. His dad scolded him until his biotics were no longer fun, so he kept it to himself for the most part, until BAaT, where he had felt kind of free, for a time. After BAaT, biotics were the last thing he wanted to deal with.

Watching Brady and the girls get excited over his temporary biotic ability stirred a bit of jealousy. They could do that without fear and apprehension of what they could be capable of...but maybe it wasn't such a bad thing. Kaidan wanted a chance to relax, to forget about BAaT and Vyrnnus and just be young and free. He motioned to Brady. "Give me some. I want to try it too."

Brady held up a finger, handing the bag to Leslie and Krya. "Ladies first, Alenko." He threw his head back and laughed. "I had heard this stuff was awesome, but shit, I feel like a fucking god!"

The girls each took a quick sniff eagerly. As their bodies absorbed the drug, they began to emanate the same blue glow. "This is amazing!" Kyra exalted, reaching to touch Kaidan's arm. When she did, his own natural biotics felt hers and started to combine. He had forgotten how good it felt to be touched by another biotic. She handed him the bag. "Your turn," she smiled.

Kaidan smiled back, taking a bigger pinch than anyone else. He sniffed deeply and immediately felt his nervous system do a strange combination of relaxation while still heightening his biotic sensations. Kyra's touch on his arm was like fire, but he didn't want to pull away. He remembered this feeling. Lauren. That time they had sparred after she caught him and Rahna kissing...God, that was, _this is...bliss_. He knew he barely knew her, but he leaned in to kiss her anyway.

Kyra was very willing, probably taken by her own sensations as well, Kaidan thought, but just barely, because the world was beginning to melt away. All he could feel was the solid hum of biotics in his brain. There was no BAaT, no Vyrnnus, no Rahna, no Lauren, and no regrets. _Finallly, no regrets_.

x-X-x

Lauren sighed and tugged at her dress. "Mom, I look stupid."

Hannah Shepard smiled gently and shook her head. "You look wonderful. Aren't you even a little bit excited?"

"Not really. This isn't my idea of fun." The dress was a dark navy, a slender asari design. Lauren knew her mother admired the asari, mostly because of her father's Alliance service, but Lauren couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. "I just don't like dresses, Mom."

"I know, dear, but do this for me, please? There's a nice young man..."

"Rygus, Mom..." Lauren sounded annoyed.

"Rygus," Hannah finished. "And he asked you to this thing, so the least you can do is look nice."

"Mom, he is a turian, a planetary-exchange student, and he could care less what I wore. He'd probably prefer me in combat armor."

Hannah looked at her daughter skeptically. "Don't you think that's a little...prejudiced?"

Lauren pursed her lips. "Yeah, probably. I still hate wearing dresses though."

"And I am still making you wear it. He'll be here soon, won't he? So go finish getting ready," Hannah ordered.

Lauren climbed the stairs to her bathroom and looked at her face. Her mom had laid out makeup for her to put on. If she would have laid out the pieces of an omni-tool for her to assemble, Lauren would have been less confused, and she didn't understand tech either. Gritting her teeth, she swept the mascara brush on her lashes and put the faintest amount of color on her lips. "Good enough," she muttered.

The doorbell rang, signaling Rygus' arrival. Lauren walked down to see him standing there awkwardly. "Hey Lauren." His dual-toned voice showed a bit of tension.

"Nice to see you, Rygus. Let's get out of here."

"I, uh, got these for you," he said, thrusting a mussed bunch of wildflowers in her face. "My mom commed me with all of these Earth customs. I didn't think I could remember them all, but I remembered this one."

Lauren eased and gave a little laugh. "Yeah, flowers are nice, I guess. Thanks. I'll tell you right now, these are more for my mom."

"Fine with me," he said, holding up his hands in surrender. "I've got a taxi outside waiting."

He opened the door for her and the pair walked toward the car. "You know, I don't really do these kinds of things. Turians aren't much for parties like this," Rygus confessed.

"To be honest, Shepards don't dance and this is the last time I'm ever doing anything like this. But," she wrapped her arm around his, "I'm glad I'm going with a friend. We can be miserable together."

"Or we can just laugh at everyone else." His mandibles widened in a smile. "You know, you didn't have to get all fussed up for me. I would have liked you even if you were in in combat armor."

Lauren smiled knowingly. "Rygus, you make me like turians more and more."

**A/N: Thank you for the follows and for reading! Let me know what you think!**


	3. The Letter

December 18, 2171. It was a bad day and Lauren wasn't quite sure why. Her last set of finals for high school were finished, so she was technically a graduate. The exams were tough and she was relieved to be done, but that wasn't what was on her mind.

All this time since leaving BAaT, Lauren had kept her biotics hidden. The only time she used them was when she was at home, helping her mother and father around the house or just doing exercises to practice control. Her parents had come to accept and appreciate her biotic abilities, which was helpful, but that didn't ease the loneliness she sometimes felt. Today was one of those very lonely days.

She wasn't hurting for lack of friends. She had a close circle of a few girls and guys, but even to them she had never disclosed her biotics. It was just an automatic protective wall she'd put up. Lauren would always remember her biotic flare-up that gained her notoriety in junior high and she didn't want to be known as a freak again.

She missed the camaraderie that she had had at Brain Camp. It was the ability to not have to hide a part of herself because everyone else shared that same, almost dirty, secret. The place was a shithole, without a doubt, but everyone was there for the same reason. Nearly two years spent with only biotics felt comfortable, in a way, but now nearly two years without any, save Indi's occasional vidcomms, she felt isolated.

So all of that brought her to this. Sitting in front of her console, she took a deep breath and started to type.

**Kaidan,**

**This is Lauren Shepard from Brain Camp. I hope this reaches you. I guess it's been a while and you could have shut this account down or something. Anyway, I just wanted to see how you've been doing. I just finished up my final exams before graduating. BC actually put me ahead of the rest of them. Surprising, but worth it because I'm getting out of school. School sucks. Oh, wait, you said you wanted to go back...Did you go to university like you said you might?**

**I'm still going to enlist with the Alliance in April when I turn 18. I've been hearing that things are getting interesting out in the Terminus, so I hope I get posted out there. **

**Did you ever hear from anyone else from BC? I sometimes talk to Indi, but she isn't the same. Well, my life is super uninteresting, so I hope yours is a little more exciting. Hope you are doing well. Maybe drop a line when you can.**

**Lauren**

Lauren breathed deeply again and pressed "send." The note was innocuous enough, she thought. It really couldn't do any harm.

x-X-x

It had been a few days since Kaidan got the message, and he was taking that familiar route to the therapist's office. He walked into the cozy room and sat down on the fluffy couch that had too many pillows, in his opinion. He took a couple off to clear himself a spot to sit and folded his hands in front of him. His last hit of red sand was about 8 hours ago, so he was nearly sober. He figured he should be to talk to her.

"Kaidan," the plump woman said kindly, "it's been a while. I was honestly surprised to get your call."

"I, uh, wanted to talk," he said quietly. The therapist raised her eyebrows to urge him to continue. "I got a note the other day. From a girl...a girl I used to know at Bra...BAaT."

"What did the note say? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," she said.

"No, it's ok. It was just a bunch of nothing really. Asking me how I am, telling me what she'd been up to. It was short." Kaidan was wringing his hands as he talked.

"But it obviously bothered you."

"Well, it just took me by surprise. I thought I had forgotten about all that. Then this just...made it all come back." He paused and took a breath. "It was her that got me caught up in all the shit that was going on with Conatix."

"Are you angry with her?"

"Yeah, I mean, no, goddamnit...sometimes. I mean, if she wouldn't have been such a damn snoop, none of this ever would have happened probably!" Kaidan wished he had more red sand to mellow him out. The therapist was pissing him off.

"Perhaps, but have you thought about the consequences if she hadn't been suspicious? The implications for you and your friends?"

"Christ, yes! I thought about it then when they had me locked up in that damn holding pen!" His voice was nearly a shout, then it suddenly dropped. "I just...I just want to feel normal again."

"What constitutes normal to you?"

Kaidan gave the therapist a frustrated look. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Normal! Just normal...not a murderer, I don't know!"

The therapist jotted something on her pad. "We've been down this road before, Kaidan," she said without looking up. "Have you forgiven this girl?"

Kaidan shifted in his seat. "For what?"

"You're obviously holding on to something that involves her and it's evoking a passionate reaction from you. So what is it? Anger, bitterness?"

"No, I actually...I actually liked her. We had a good friendship. For a while. She was a good kid. I guess the note reminded me of that. She still is, but the problem is, I'm not the person she knew."

Looking up, the therapist looked Kaidan directly in the eyes. "How are you different?"

Kaidan ran both hands over his face and through his hair. This problem had been staring him in the face for the last two weeks since he was forced to withdraw from the university for violating its policy on substance abuse numerous times. The first time, he was given the opportunity to take a rehab program they had in place. He attended, but was so high every time, he couldn't even remember what was said. He and Brady got so bad they couldn't go to class without a quick hit. Kaidan's grades quickly plummeted because he forgot about assignments and tests. Even Kyra and Leslie backed away from the pair because they were so caught up in the drug use.

Kaidan hadn't told his parents about being dismissed from school yet either. They thought he had just finished up for the holiday break. In fact, a friend had let Kaidan secretly crash in his dorm room for the last few weeks until the semester ended. He knew they'd be pissed. Something had to be done. He was getting out of control, and losing control was the last thing Kaidan wanted.

"I...," Kaidan started slowly, "I need help."

**A/N: This chapter was a short one, purposefully. This is not going to be a blow-by-blow of their lives. It will be like ****_Training, _****catching important snapshots, so that is why I started including dates. Though this is AU, I intend to be faithful to the ME timeline (as close as I can, and sometimes that is very hard to do!) Thank you for the follows and the favorites! I hope you enjoy!**


	4. Enlistment

April 11, 2172. Lauren awoke with a mind full of resolve and excitement. It was her 18th birthday and the day she was enlisting with the Alliance. She felt ready because she had spent the last few months with a personal trainer at a nearby fitness club. He was a retired Alliance man himself and knew what she needed to work on to be in tiptop shape for duty. She knew she would be whipped hard at boot camp, but she didn't want to be completely defeated every night.

"Hey Mom," she said, entering the kitchen.

"Morning, Lauren," her mother, Hannah, yawned, holding a mug of coffee. "So…today is the day. You sure about this?"

"Yeah, I've never doubted it. There's nothing better for a biotic to do, Mom. I've got to do this."

Her mom, smiling warmly, sighed and gave her daughter a pat on the shoulder. "You've always been the determined type. I know you'll do all of us proud. I just know how much I hated when you were gone at that awful BAaT. I'll miss you like crazy, but at least I know you'll be somewhere good for you."

"Mom, maybe it's because of BAaT…" Lauren's voice trailed off, as she poured a bowl of cereal. Thinking about BAaT always reminded her of Kaidan and she'd be lying if she said she never worried about him. She had never heard back from the letter she had written.

"What do you mean?" Hannah asked.

"Well…after all that sh-, I mean, crap I read about biotics, I refuse to be just a tool. Maybe we are different, but so is every single person! That doesn't mean we can't be equals and work together, right?"

Hannah laughed at the young woman chomping down on a kids' cereal, but speaking in such mature terms. "Lauren, humans have been trying to follow that philosophy for millenia. It makes me think I've done an ok job as a mom that my daughter could figure it out in 18 years."

"Oh God, Mom…mush overload."

"Fine," said Hannah, giving Lauren a gentle shove. "Can I at least have a nice birthday dinner with my daughter tonight?"

"Of course, dearest Mother," Lauren said cheekily, as she stood and put her dishes in the autowash. "I want to get to the recruitment office early though. I'll be back later."

Hannah called after Lauren as she walked out the door. "Maybe we can vidcomm your dad later. I know he wouldn't want to miss seeing his girl, the Alliance Marine."

The Alliance recruitment office was pristine, as they usually were. The gray monochromatic color scheme of the décor reminded Lauren of Jump could learn to be at home surrounded by bulkheads again. She approached a handsome man sitting at the front desk. "Hi, I'm Lauren Shepard and I'm here to enlist as a Marine."

The man looked up and smiled. He couldn't have been too much older than she. His blue eyes were kind and she thought his very short hair was probably brown or maybe a dirty blonde. "Great! I've got a few forms here for you to fill out on these datapads. And, a quick question, are you a biotic?" His accent said he wasn't from Chicago. Lauren thought maybe it was Australian.

"Um, yeah, I am. How did you know?" Lauren felt a little giddy under this man's gaze. His smile brightened at her affirmation.

"We just want to make sure everyone in the Alliance reaches their full potential. Biotics are new to humans, so there are new training courses designed specifically for biotics," he said handing her an extra pad. "There's an explanation of each course on there. If you have any questions, just ask me. I'm Corporal Daniel Townsend. Just have a seat over there."

"Thanks," she blushed, and felt immediately stupid. First uniform I run into and I'm all flustered like a silly school girl. She took a seat and started filling out the forms. It took a while before she finally got to the pad with the biotic specialties listing.

"Hmm…Adept, Sentinel, Vanguard," she whispered to herself. _Adepts train heavily on biotic use and basic pistol proficiency…no, too much biotics made my head hurt. Sentinels train on tech skills and biotics equally with the same pistol proficiency. This one also does medic training…no way, I don't do tech...or blood. Vanguard…that sounds good. Combines biotics with weapons capability with pistols and shotguns. Assault training and biotic protection puts these soldiers on the front lines of battle._ Lauren smiled at this. _Be where the action is, that's me._ And she checked the box next to Vanguard.

She brought her pads over to Cpl. Townsend, once again feeling self-assured and ready. "I decided to go with the Vanguard training."

His eyebrows lifted. "I haven't seen that many biotics and they've all been men so far. Most of them take the Sentinel route, but I do know of a few who went the Adept course. No offense, but Vanguard is tough, not that any of them are easy." He looked down a second. Lauren thought he was embarrassed.

"Let me go bring these to my supervisor and you wait here, ok? I'll be back soon." Townsend entered an office to the side. He quickly returned holding a pair of dog tags on a chain. "Come with me and we'll get these stamped for you." They walked down a hallway to another room. "My supervisor said you are the first female biotic to enlist here. I've only been in the service for five years, and I've never seen one." He stopped in front of a small machine and placed the tags inside closing the cover. He typed a few instructions on a key pad and the machine began to whirr. "So do you mind?" the young corporal said to Lauren as he looked at her expectantly.

Her face crinkled in confusion. "Mind what?"

A short embarrassed laugh escaped his lips. "I just wanted to see you lift something with your biotics, I guess. It was silly, never mind."

Lauren gave a little giggle. "No, it's fine. Sure." She looked around the room for something to lift. As her body began to glow blue a chair sitting by an empty desk began to rise gently and float toward the pair. Lauren gently set it down and looked back at Townsend, who was smiling broadly.

"I don't know why, but that is amazing every time. Sometimes I wish I were a biotic," he said.

"It's no big deal," said Lauren modestly. The machine beeped and the soldier removed the tags and handed them to Lauren, who placed them over her neck.

"Welcome, Private 2nd Class Shepard," said Townsend, shaking her hand. "You'll be receiving your orders for boot camp in the next few days. I hope I have the pleasure of serving with you some time."

"Me too, Corporal Townsend," Lauren said.

x-X-x

March 24, 2173. Kaidan looked at his bag again to make sure he had packed everything he needed. His father, Aaron, stood in the doorway to his room, the older man's dark brows furrowed. "Being an Alliance man means discipline, son, even for biotics. You may have some special gifts, but they can court martial you just like anyone else if you get out of line."

"Thanks for the pep talk, Dad," retorted Kaidan. "I'm going to because I want to, not because they'll have me. It's my way to help people."

"Just like med school, right? You fucked that up with those drugs," Aaron said harshly. "And the EMT course you only attended for two months, and the police academy you dropped out of before you even started? Kaidan, this isn't just school. The Alliance is a lifetime commitment. You either get old and retire or you screw up and get kicked out. There's no dropping out of this one, and I'll be damned if my only son wrecks his last good chance at something. People don't like quitters, Kaidan."

"All right, Dad. I got it," Kaidan said darkly. "I need to go. Transport's leaving for boot camp in two hours."

Aaron nodded curtly and moved aside to let his son pass. Ivy was waiting at the other end of the hall. "Please try to vidcomm when you can. I know it can be hard, but your father is shipping out next week as well, and I…" Her eyes brimmed with tears.

Kaidan leaned in and hugged his mother. "I know, Mom, I will. I'm only going to be in Arizona anyway. If I have a decent weekend leave, I'll be home."

She placed a kiss on his cheek, then gently touched it with her hand. "Goodbye, Kaidan. Be careful."

"I'll be fine, Mom," he smiled and walked away.

Arizona was not like weather Kaidan had been used to. Everyone was still wearing thick coats in Vancouver and when he got off the transport in Phoenix, he felt overdressed in his summer fatigues. A sheen of sweat instantly covered him as he took his bag and headed for the barracks. Finding his cabin, he threw his stuff on his bunk. Another young man smiled and said hello.

"Robert Jenkins," he said holding out his hand. "I'm from Eden Prime. Actually, this is my first time to Earth. You?"

Kaidan took his hand and shook it. "Kaidan Alenko. I'm from Vancouver. My dad works for Alliance HQ there."

"Oh, military brat! I bet you've seen all kinds of exciting things. You join right out of high school like me?"

"Uh, no," Kaidan said. "I tried out a few things first before I decided this was the right path for me."

"Oh, yeah, I understand," said Jenkins cheerfully. "I just needed to get off that planet. Colony life can be fun, but when it's all you know, it gets boring."

"I've heard it's really nice there."

Jenkins looked thoughtful. "It is. I mean, it really is beautiful. Just like the brochures, but honestly, a farmer's life wasn't for me anymore. I helped my dad and brothers until the day I enlisted, and that was only because an Alliance convoy had made a stop to deliver supplies and refresh troops in the system. Kind of a spur of the moment decision."

"Mine took some time to make." Kaidan thought he might actually get along well with this exuberant fellow.

"I feel like I've been a soldier for ages, even though I only just got here! Want to see action as soon as I can. How about you?"

"Well…" Kaidan paused. He had always been cautious about who he told about his biotic powers, which was pretty much no one, but now that he was in the Alliance… "I'm not much for the front lines, if I can help it. I'm taking the Sentinel route. I'm a biotic."

Jenkins was gobsmacked. "That's tremendous!" he nearly shouted. "I've never met a biotic before. I always thought they were just made up stories! Show me!"

Kaidan hesitated and was grateful when the drill sergeant entered the cabin, barking an order for everyone to stand in line. As they jogged out of the barracks area, the heat weighed on him like lead, making his footfalls feel heavier than they were. By the end of that first day, everyone was completely exhausted, including Jenkins, whose tongue seemed to be exhausted as well. Kaidan slept hard that night, but it was a dream-filled sleep. He killed Vyrnnus again. This time by tearing him apart with his bare hands. As the turian screamed for mercy, Kaidan spat in his face. "You fucking son-of-bitch. You never deserved to live. It was a pleasure to watch you die."

Kaidan awoke drenched in sweat and his heart pounding. Reveille was sounding and the sky was still dark. He hopped out of bed and started dressing. The sleep must have been beneficial to Jenkins who started talking again. "You must have been having some crazy dream! You were talking about like a Vernon or something?"

"I don't remember," Kaidan lied. That was something he had no intention of ever sharing with anyone. The Alliance knew about BAaT and Vyrnnus because they had to, but he was assured it was not an issue with his enlistment. He headed out the door to the mess and hoped to God his mouth would never open again while he was asleep.

**A/N: Thank you for the new follows and favorites. Lauren has been an interesting character to write about! More exciting chapters to come! Please let me know what you think! Oh, and I would be remiss if I didn't thank tccarty and galexz for their invaluable help and input! Their suggestions have made this better (I hope!).**


	5. Assignment

November 23, 2173. Lauren was assigned to a four year tour of duty on the ship not long after becoming a standout in boot camp. Her tenacious attitude and the fierce training she had undergone before enlisting put her at the top of her class in every area and got her the prestige of being named the Honor Graduate and promoted to Private 1st Class. This achievement got her a high profile appointment on the_ SSV Emden_, the newest cruiser in the fleet, which was assigned to patrol the Skyllian Verge. Lauren's responsibility on board was strategic attack planning.

She liked the action in that area of the galaxy and there was plenty of it. The crew of the _Emden_ called themselves "batarian clean-up crew" because they were always called when a human colony or transport ship was attacked. Lauren always had to be on the ready with new plans to combat the batarians, so if she wasn't out actually fighting, she was at her terminal laying out battlefield scenarios and keeping informed of batarian movements in their sector.

But this was a down day. In fact, the batarians had been quiet for about a week, making everyone a little anxious. Even so, Major Kyle, Lauren's commanding officer, seemed unconcerned and was ordering a short shore leave on Elysium, which they happened to be near in their patrol. She finished reading that message on her terminal when another popped up. Cpl. Townsend was sending his weekly hello. Lauren smiled and she tried to keep her cheeks from flushing. She opened the message and read it eagerly.

After their initial meeting at the recruitment office, Townsend seemed very interested in her progress at boot camp and started writing her. At first, the tone of his notes was very professional and Lauren responded in kind. But about halfway through her basic training, he ended one of his notes by asking if he could vidcomm her sometime when she was free. Thus began a somewhat more personal relationship between the two. Townsend, or Daniel, as she now called him, liked to talk, and with his pleasant demeanor, Lauren was more than happy to open up to him.

His message was titled **Shore Leave**, and Lauren's heart beat faster at the possibility. For a few months now they had wanted to get together and actually see each other again, but Lauren's distant posting made it nearly impossible. But it was almost as if Major Kyle and Daniel's commanding officer at the office had collaborated to make the stars themselves align. Daniel wrote that he was on Elysium with some friends, and if she happened to ever be in the area to stop by and say hello, even if only for a quick drink.

Lauren quickly typed out a response of affirmation and told him where and when to meet her. As she was about to close her terminal to pack up for shore leave she saw a message that made her stop. It was from Indira, whom she hadn't heard from in nearly six months. She would send the occasional message greeting her and asking her about what it was like on the planets Lauren saw. But today the message started out differently. Lauren's mouth fell open as she read the words on the screen. It was her grandparents writing to her the only way they knew how, through Indira's account.

**Lauren,**

**You were always a dear friend to our precious Indira, and we are so sorry we must tell you this way. No one has ever been able to tell us why, but she had never been the same since her time on that station with you. The Alliance military doctors always seemed to hustle us around when we started asking questions about the reasons for her mental condition. Anyway, she had become more and more anxious in the last few weeks. She had been prone to bouts of paranoia before, but nothing was ever really this bad. We did everything we knew to do to try to get her to snap out of it, but this time nothing worked. Indira was convinced that "they" were trying to get her. Whatever demons she was being tormented by became too much for her to handle. She started talking incessantly saying "someone had to die," but she then she would realize her words,we thought, and would swear to us that she could never hurt either of us. We will admit we still had many sleepless nights and were quite fearful. We locked up all of our knives and anything that could be used as a weapon. Still, Indira was a biotic and even the dampener the doctors had put in didn't completely remove her powers.**

**But then last week on Thursday, Indira had been awake all night raving about those who were after her. She looked worn. She told us that she was going to the doctor about an idea she had to help herself and she left the house. We told her that we had no such appointment and we asked her idea. She flew into a rage and said we couldn't stop her or else we'd all be destroyed. Try as we might, we couldn't prevent her from leaving the house. We ran after her, but she had disappeared. We called the police to alert them because we knew she could be dangerous, but asked them to deal with her gently. The authorities returned to our door not three hours later. We had always loved living near the river, but now the bridge that crossed it near our house is a place of sorrow. Our dearest, our heart, your friend, Indira threw herself from the bridge. The river has been swollen from the monsoons and…well, you know the rest.**

Lauren stopped reading as tears flowed down her face. "Indi…," she whispered to the ghost she now felt with her. "I wish I had known."

"Hey, Shepard? You alright there?" a voice to her left sounded. Lauren looked up to see the pilot of the Emden hobbling up. Jeff Moreau, better known as Joker, walked with a cane, but could fly a ship like an eagle. At least that's what he said. His record in flight school did speak for itself. He was an amazing pilot. He looked young to be at the post that he was, but Lauren was too, so they hit it off. After one awkward kiss during their off-duty hours, they agreed they were meant to be friends and nothing more.

"Yeah, Joker, I'm fine," Lauren sniffed.

"Liar. Something has you upset. Now spill it."

"I, uh, just got a note from an old friend, well, from her family. She…she killed herself last week."

"Oh God, I'm sorry, Lauren. I won't bug you about it, but if you need to talk, you can hit me up. We just landed on Elysium and you're the only one still on board, besides me. You know how Major Kyle can be. He takes his fun just as seriously as his obligations." Joker smiled sadly and put his hand on Lauren's shoulder. "I'll be at a bar. You know me." Then he winked wickedly and walked away.

After grabbing a quick overnight bag, Lauren went back to her terminal to see if Daniel had answered, hoping for something to take her mind off Indi. She was pleased to see he did and realized she had only about 10 minutes to make it to their meeting place. It was a few blocks away from the spaceport, but pedestrian traffic was very heavy on this beautiful day. She tried to sprint through the crowd and failed. Jogging as quickly as possible, she finally saw Daniel standing by the little street vendor she told him about. He was looking off in another direction, but when she broke through the crowd their eyes met.

Lauren suddenly felt shy. It was easy to open up to someone when all it was was text or even a holo to talk to. Now, he was actually here. His smile was warm and kind. He looked exactly the same as the day she met him in the recruitment office, only today he was wearing civilian clothes and looking drop dead handsome. The gen mods that all the soldiers received gave them all fit builds, but the way Daniel's shirt clung to his chest, showing the fine muscle movement as he turned toward her, Lauren couldn't help but feel a flutter in her chest.

"Lauren! I mean, Private 1st class Shepard," Daniel laughed, and gave a half-hearted salute.

"Don't salute me! I don't outrank you, _Corporal_ Townsend!" Lauren gave him a playful punch.

Daniel looked sincerely at Lauren. "I know, but let's just say, one day, I think you will. It took me over a year to promote, and you did it in less than 12 weeks!"

"Well, maybe I was trying to impress someone back home…"

"You aren't talking about me, right?" Daniel's words were betrayed by the hopeful look in his eyes.

Lauren gave a noncommittal shoulder shrug. "So, ever been to Elysium before?" she asked.

"Nope, I was hoping you'd show me around now that you're here. What should we do first?"

"I'm starving and this is my first chow outside the mess. Let's stuff ourselves and then see where the day takes us," she said, looking eagerly at the vendor.

"You got a suit? I wanted to hit the beach, but I mean if you don't…we could try to find a private spot on the beach and I'll just forget my suit as well…" Lauren's mouth suddenly went dry at his words.

"I-I don't have a place to stay…yet." She tacked on the last word just in case.

"I think I can help with that," Daniel's voice was low and Lauren could have sworn it made her shiver. "You can stay with me. It's just across the street. Let's go over there and drop off your bag in the room."

He held out his arm and Lauren took it as they strolled across the street to the hotel. A silence had fallen between them as they entered the elevator. Lauren still held Daniel's arm and her other hand reached down to touch his hand gently. He abruptly turned, his light blue eyes suddenly dark. "Lauren, I…," he started, but then leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. Her heart beat pounded in her ears as she welcomed his kiss and encouraged him with a slight touch of her tongue. His hands held her face and his kiss deepened.

The elevator door opened and the pair split breathlessly. "My room is just down this way," said Daniel, taking Lauren by the hand. She wasn't sure if it was her hand or his that was damp, maybe both, but she knew she was nervous. He opened the door and looked at her expectantly. "We don't…I mean, I don't want to pressure you," he stammered. His face broke into a smile. "Oh God, I sound like a fool. Lauren…" He cleared his throat. "I've just never met anyone like you. I knew there was something special about you when you walked into the recruitment office. I know this sounds dumb and awkward, but I really care about you." He touched her cheek affectionately. "I guess I just want to show you how much."

A small smile lay on Lauren's face, and she raised her hand to touch his. "I'm not any less awkward, Daniel. And I care about you too. I want to stay."

Relief flooded the young man's features. As they walked into the room, Lauren saw it was dark, with the curtains drawn. She dropped her bag beside the doorway, and the pair renewed a feverish kiss. His hands glided down her back and rested on her hips, pulling her closer. "Lauren…" he whispered between kisses as he trailed down her neck. "I don't know why or how, but I've fallen in love with you."

She stopped and looked into his earnest eyes. _He really does love me. But how? We've hardly known each other a year_… And Lauren's thoughts drifted back to Indi. She hadn't been at BAaT that long and Indi became a dear friend, fiercely loved by Lauren. The hole in her heart that was now there ached and her eyes welled up.

Daniel stepped back and looked concerned. "Did I…say something wrong? I'm sorry…I never should have said that I loved you. It's too much, too soon, right?"

"No," said Lauren, her voice thick with emotion. "You are nothing but wonderful and sweet. I was thinking about someone else…a good friend."

"A man?" Daniel looked worried.

"A girl I knew…from school. One of my best friends. I just got word a few hours ago that she died. It just hit me again. I'm sorry, Daniel. I ruined the moment. I told you I was awkward." Lauren tried to smile.

He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. "If I had had any idea…I'm so sorry."

Lauren leaned into his chest and, taking one of his hands, pressed it to her lips. "Maybe it's a good thing. I was just thinking that we've only known each other a short time and I was wondering how you could love me, but then I thought of her and I was with her for less time than we've been talking, and I love her like a sister. So…" She looked up into his eyes. "I could probably love you too."

Daniel smiled and whispered, "I'm glad it's you." As hands removed clothing, Lauren felt her own barriers fall. She finally didn't feel alone anymore. Though it was the first time for both of them, making love was as easy as breathing. The last thing she remembered, as she drifted off to a contented sleep wrapped in his arms, was Daniel whispering into her hair, "I can finally die happy, now that I have you."

**A/N: Thank you for the follows and reviews! Since I couldn't answer them personally, to the people who wrote about Robert Jenkins...it wouldn't be a spoiler to say this is the older brother of the poor Richard Jenkins, who will be met later on the ****_Normandy. _****Oh, and to those missing Kaidan...the next chapter will be solely his.**


	6. Commendation

April 17, 2174. "Private 1st Class Alenko?" a gruff voice said from inside the captain's quarters. "You may come in."

Kaidan took a confident-looking stride into Captain William Krzynski's, his commanding officer, presence. "Yes, sir. You asked to see me?"

"Indeed, Private. Welcome aboard. We have been most fortunate in your arrival here. I'm looking over your record and it's highly impressive. Only the second biotic to be awarded the Honor Graduate in basic. And your outstanding performance thwarting the attack on Elysium in December…could you explain that to me?"

Kaidan felt slightly embarrassed. He had gone over this numerous times with many officers. The fact that he had just been transferred to Krzynski's command meant just another rehashing.

"Well, sir, I was working on the comm station on the _SSV Hong Kong_ and the moment I had repaired it, there was a comm intercept…"

x-X-x

December 14, 2173. "Commander!" Kaidan said. "There is something wrong with this comm."

Commander Jeremiah Upton walked over to the console Kaidan had been repairing. He eyed the message, squinting hard. "What seems to be the problem, Private?" Upton's tone sounded doubtful. "This looks like routine interstellar traffic reports."

"Yes, sir," Kaidan replied. "But there's something about the wording that just looks off. I don't believe this to be authentic, sir."

"I think you are sending yourself on a wild goose chase, so I'm giving you two hours, no more. If you happen to find anything, report to me. If not, you've had your two hours.

Kaidan started checking the code inside the message. At regular intervals he found lines that looked like just junk code, but he decided to see if that was actually the case. Loading those lines into his omni-tool, a secondary message appeared. _Batarian attack plans_.

Quickly making his way to the cockpit where the commander was, Kaidan got Upton's attention and showed him the message on his omni-tool. "They are planning a nighttime attack on Elysium's capital, sir. They are gathering forces in the home system. It says the attack is planned in 72 hours."  
Upton's face went pale, then stiffening his back he looked directly at Kaidan. "We will intercept them. They must not get past the Exodus Cluster relay. Nice work, Alenko. We'll be needing your biotics when we make our move. Dismissed."

The next day the _Hong Kong_ was lying in wait, with numerous other Alliance ships, at the Exodus Cluster relay. Commander Upton and the other commanding officers knew the batarians had to go through that relay to get to the Vetus system. They stayed up late into the night laying out battle plans and making flight attack patterns. All Alliance and regular traffic in the cluster was halted, ships in the Vetus system were on the ready, and the citizens of Elysium were taking precautions.

Kaidan stood, in full armor in the cargo bay, waiting anxiously with everyone else. Upton paced back and forth nervously. He was a good commanding officer, but he was the type who was more suited to commanding a guard ship rather than a battle ship. It was something Kaidan well understood. He'd only been in the service for a short time, but he didn't want to be caught in lethal combat. He would have much rather stayed on Earth in tech research and requested to do so, but Alliance brass said all biotics belong closer to the front lines, so here he was.

Upton's eyes met Kaidan's and he stopped and leaned in, whispering. "Private, no matter what happens today, I want you to know that I've put it on record your discovery of this plan. You're a hero, Alenko, even if this all goes to hell. There's no telling how many lives you saved."

Kaidan nodded silently in appreciation. Upton marched away and started his pacing circuit again. After a few rounds, he was interrupted by the pilot. "Commander! Incoming traffic from the relay!"

"Identify!" Upton barked sharply.

"It's batarian, sir, but it is heading away from the relay. Looks like its course is laid in for Eden Prime!"

"Shit," the commander swore. "Tell the rest of the fleet we'll take the pursuit. Follow that ship. They won't get any of our colonies!" Upton turned toward the group standing, including Kaidan. "Soldiers, we're going in to Eden Prime. Be on the ready for ground combat." The troops gave a firm "Sir, yes sir!" in affirmation. Kaidan closed his eyes, hoping the pursuit would end with the batarians being shot out in space.

"There's been a drop from the batarian ship, sir," the pilot reported. "There's a colony settlement about 3 kilometers from their troops. We'll need to drop in hot."

"Agreed," Upton sighed. He looked back at Kaidan, ordering, "Now's the time. Protect the colonists at all costs. Alenko, use what you can to protect the others."

"Yes, sir." Kaidan wished he was as confident as his voice sounded.

Kaidan was in a group of 10 soldiers dropped in closest to where the batarians had been sighted. Most of them were fresh recruits like he was, and they all were skittish. Kaidan had to take the scouting position because of his biotics and moved ahead of the rest. He watched the radar on his omni-tool and saw that batarians were moving in fast through a forested area. "Take cover!" he yelled and brought up his barrier.

As the shots began ringing out from the woods, Kaidan saw a gap in the soldiers' barrier and ran to fill it. As he stood there, his head began to pound. He felt sick and wanted to vomit, but his eyes were too busy watching for the batarian assault troops to let his stomach have its way. From the midst of the trees ahead of them, a lone batarian came running straight for their location, a pack strapped to his chest. _He's got a bomb_. Kaidan heart moved to his throat. He couldn't let this single coward wipe them all out. He hesitated for a moment and his barrier dropped. The batarian's eyes glared directly at him. As Kaidan's biotic power manifested again on his skin, four black eyes went from determined to fearful. Kaidan saw the batarian's thumb press a button, and instantly he unleashed a throw he knew was just enough to get him away from his small platoon.

The batarian's pack exploded as he was in midair. Kaidan was somewhat relieved that he was dead, but that he hadn't been the one to kill him. After the explosion, the troops made quick work of the remaining handful of batarians on Eden Prime. As they waited for pickup by the _Hong Kong_, the other troops were patting Kaidan on the back and thanking him for his quick action, saving them all. Robert Jenkins was the most enthusiastic.

"Alenko! I don't think you have any idea what this means to me. My family's farm is just over that ridge. I know they commed the entire colony with a warning, but if those fuckers would 've gotten any closer..." Jenkins grew quiet, then stiffened in respect. He gave Kaidan a salute. "Thank you, sir. My family owes you."

Upton looked worn but pleased when Kaidan and the rest boarded. "We got 'em, Private. Sent them back whimpering to their hole, dirty bastards. They'll think twice about messing with the Alliance again."

Kaidan smiled weakly and made his way quickly to the showers. He wanted to forget this day ever happened.

x-X-x

"Sharp eyes and a team player. Yes, Private Alenko, you deserved that promotion and the commendation. I'm glad to have you aboard the _Hyderabad_. Looks like you are a man of action and here you'll find plenty of that. We never shy away from a fight." Krzynski smiled broadly, stood and held out his hand to Kaidan, who took it and gave it a firm shake.

"Thank you, sir. I'm glad to be here. I've heard many good things about this crew and I'm proud to be a part of it," Kaidan smiled. "You are dismissed," Krzynski said. "Find yourself a pod and get settled in."

Kaidan left the captain and took the short walk to where the sleeping pods were located. He was not where he wanted to be. Every time he wanted to get away from combat, life would find new ways of pushing him back in. Why couldn't he just be a normal person living a normal life, one with no blood on his hands?

**A/N: The Kaidan-only chapter, as promised. Please let me know what you think! Some exciting times are on the way! Thank you again for reading!**


	7. N-School

May 2, 2174. "This Private Shepard looks promising," said Captain David Anderson, scratching his chin. "First biotic Honor Graduate...each of her commanding officers have given her high praise for her ingenuity and dedication. Under Major Kyle, she helped plan the defense of the thwarted batarian assault on Elysium."

"She's only been in the service for two years," protested Admiral Steven Hackett. The white-haired man's brow was creased with doubt. "Plus, she's a biotic, and I don't know too many stable ones."

"Steve, let me make this plain," said Anderson, frustration in his dark eyes. "The Alliance is going to have to reconcile their issues with biotics. There are stable biotics out there. Good ones, and you need to stand up and encourage that. This one, this Lauren Shepard, I've seen her, albeit briefly. She's smart and she understands a lot for a young soldier. More than I did at her age. You need to trust me on this one."

The men continued debating at Hackett's desk until a comm interrupted them. "Admiral Hackett, sir, I have a Private Lauren Shepard to see you."

Hackett glared at Anderson, who only volunteered a slight smirk. "You set me up," huffed the admiral. "Send 'er in."

Lauren walked into the office, her shoulders pulled back and her chin slightly raised. The men stood and Lauren stopped short, giving a salute.

"Welcome, Private," said Anderson, saluting in return. "Have a seat."

She nodded and sat, her posture as stiff as if she were standing. "Thank you, Captain...Admiral."

"So you know why you are here?" Hackett started, looking more toward Anderson than Lauren.

"I believe so, sir. Major Kyle nominated me for the Interplanetary Combatives Academy," she stated plainly. Lauren was a bit in shock at the moment, so what seemed to the men as a cool, calm demeanor was actually covering a nervous wreck, if she were honest.

"Indeed," said Hackett, leaning back in his chair and folding his hands in front of his face. "Captain Anderson, one of our first N7 graduates, seems to concur with the major."

"Private," Anderson said, giving Lauren a steely-eyed look, "The ICA is for the Alliance's best and brightest. It isn't often that we take a second year recruit in, but I see something special in you. In fact, since I'm taking over as headmaster of the Villa...that's what we call our training facility...I like to have a personal say in who goes in."

"Thank you, sir," said Lauren sincerely. "I'm really honored by your confidence."

"You should be," said Hackett matter-of-factly, "and if you find, N-School is beyond your ability, there's no shame in not being able to finish."

Anderson shot Hackett a dirty look. "What the Admiral means is that the training is tougher than you can imagine. You've seen a little bit of combat out in the Traverse, but after going through this program, batarian raiders and pirates will seem like a walk in the park."

"I have had a good bit of combat training during my time on Jump Zero, sir," replied Lauren. Suddenly she had a bad taste in her mouth from the memory. "I, uh, was part of a special program there as well."

"Yes, we've seen your records," said Hackett. "Though Commander Vyrnnus was obviously not fond of you or any of your biotic comrades, his notes on your abilities were...thorough." The last word sounded as if it had been chosen carefully. "It did not sound like he made it easy on you."

"No sir," Lauren answered. Before she could stop it and ever so briefly, she let her mind wonder how Kaidan was and if he had reconciled with himself for killing Vyrnnus.

"As far as I'm concerned it is settled. We start up the next class of N-School the first of June," said Anderson. "I believe we should inform Private Shepard's commanding officer of her new assignment."

"Agreed," said Hackett reluctantly. "And you'll be given a week's leave before you go. It is a brutal undertaking, so there won't be time for personal issues and contacts. There are no breaks, there are no leaves...only dismissal from the program for failure. Mind you, that won't reflect badly on your service record, but just to make you fully aware."

For the first time since she had entered the office, Lauren smiled and shook each man's extended hand. "Sirs, I'm ready for the challenge."

x-X-x

April 6, 2175. "Come on, Shepard! I know you can do better than that!" demanded Anderson through her earpiece. Sweat was pouring of Lauren's face and her body was bathed in dark energy. "You have to be ready at the drop of a hat for anything the enemy can dish up. I want to see you warp that bastard to hell!"

Lauren considered telling the captain to fuck off, but she knew it was only her body protesting. Anderson's voice broke through her thoughts. "Shepard! There is no hesitation on the battlefield! Get your ass in gear!"

As Lauren warped the vorcha coming at her, she took off running toward the mercernary base. The rest of her team quickly joined her at the wall of the facility. With the defenses taken out, the group had a brief chance to rest.

Anderson came up to Shepard, his eyes fierce and determined. "Shepard, I want to know what happened back there."

"Sir, I-," Lauren started.

"No, never mind, I don't want any excuses. You realize in two months you and the rest will have completed this training? N7s don't hesistate. Now I know, your biotics are probably taxed, but so is everyone else in this damn group. Something's in your head...what is it?"

Looking directly at Anderson, Lauren decided to say what she wanted to say. "Permission to speak freely, sir?" His nod to the affirmative loosened her tongue. "I don't care about this."

"What do you mean, Shepard?"

"I mean, honestly, sir, who gives a shit that these mercs are running drugs? We aren't the damn galactic police. Let the Citadel Council handle this. I have no vested interest in this fight."

Anderson's eyes were wide with what Lauren thought was fury, but his mouth stayed closed as he thought. Placing his hand on her shoulder, his voice came out calm but firm. "Shepard, one of the greatest things a soldier has is purpose. Whether that's your mama back at home or the greater good of the human race, I don't give a fuck, but damnit, you need to find one! Until you do, you get your head out of your ass and let your purpose be 'Don't let Anderson down.'"

Lauren stood there quietly as Anderson moved away to check on the rest of the squad. _What the fuck do you know? I have a purpose! I'm here to be the best that I can be, isn't that enough? I here in this damn N-school, aren't I?_ And as soon as she thought it, doubt crept in and she began to realize that maybe it wasn't enough.

**A/N: And now Anderson has joined in! Thank you all for the new follows and favorites. I see this story going for a few more chapters before I start Lauren's ME novelization :) Please let me know if you like this or not!**


	8. The Blitz

August 23, 2176. It was the night watch and Lauren knew she should have been asleep long ago. She couldn't help it though, she thought as she gazed down at the ring shining on her left hand. Daniel had been too impatient to give it to her in person, so he had it mailed to the Elysium station waiting for her when she was there last on a resupply stop a few months ago.

"I waited all that time while you were in the N training program and I couldn't even talk to you," he had said on the vidcomm.

"But Daniel…" Lauren protested.

He just smiled that damn innocent smile that she could not resist. "Please Lauren, just knowing that you have it makes all the difference in the world. I couldn't wait any longer. I promise the next time I get leave, I'll be there and do it right, ok?"

"Ok, but I might not wear it…"

"You WOULDN'T!" Daniel laughed.

"I know. I'll slip it on as soon as I get to Elysium."

"Right. The only time you can take it off is when I'm there to put it back on officially." But they were still hours away from Elysium as she closed her eyes in another attempt to sleep.

The morning dragged on and Lauren went about her usual duties, eagerly anticipating their arrival. She was thinking they should be nearing the spaceport when she was jolted by the sudden sound of general quarters. "Everyone to battle stations! This is not a drill. Elysium is under batarian attack," the voice of Lauren's commanding officer, Capt. James Phillips, barked as he rushed through the CIC. "Lt. Shepard, suit up and head to the loading bay. We're sending you in hot with a squad. Batarians are attacking civilians in the capital city."

Lauren dropped with the rest of her squad and she ordered them to move toward where she and Daniel were supposed to meet. She could hear fighting in that general direction, so it isn't entirely selfish, right? Civilians were running toward the Alliance troops, trying to escape the batarian forces that had apparently landed offshore and were coming up from the water, attacking beachgoers.

"Fucking cowards," she muttered under her breath. They had the gall to attack a primarily civilian planet. "Just because we're human." A couple batarians that taken cover in a nearby building started taking shots at Lauren's squad. "Fan out!" she ordered. "Duck behind cover! The shots are coming from up top!" She flared with her barrier and whipped her head around to find the flashes from their heat sinks.

From the corner of her eye, she saw a non-human head peer from a second story window. Crouching behind a tree, Lauren took her sniper rifle and aimed. A clean shot and batarian brain matter went flying. His friend stood to run from their now discovered hideaway. Lauren reacted quickly, catching him with a shot in the back between the shoulders. "Fuck you, bastards!" she hollered mockingly as she stood. She waved the all-clear to her troops. "All right, Bravo squad. Let's move forward."

With each step, Lauren grew increasingly apprehensive. Daniel would have been unarmed…completely. If she would have arrived first, she at least had the slight advantage of biotic power. He…didn't.

A man's voice crackled into her comm. "…I'm at the beachside boardwalk. I have civilian and military wounded. In desperate need of assistance. Please respond!" Lauren tapped her earpiece to reply.

"This is Staff Lieutenant Shepard. I have a squad about half a klick from your position. We have a couple field medics. Can you estimate the number injured?"

"No," the voice said distantly. "My squad got here and there wasn't hardly anyone left standing on the beach. I'm the only medic in my squad and I can't do enough."

"We'll be there, soldier. Hang on," Lauren said as she ended the comm. She turned to her troops. "Everyone haul ass to the boardwalk! Now!" They took off sprinting. As the city landscape opened up to the beach, they could all see the carnage inflicted by the batarians. Lauren gazed in horror at wounded children, screaming in terror, being tended to by soldiers and other similarly wounded adults. By now, the shooting had stopped and she couldn't see any live batarians anywhere. She nodded toward the others in her squad and they dispersed, bringing what aid they could.

Lauren walked down the boardwalk, talking into her comm, calling for medical backup. The words coming out of her mouth were automatic, like she wasn't actually there. Her senses were focused on maintaining visual vigilance. She saw a soldier stooping over a man lying on the boardwalk. Her heart froze. _Daniel_.

"No…no…no, no, NO!" she yelled as she approached. It was the orange shirt he said he'd be wearing, but now it was soaked in blood. "Daniel! Oh my God, oh my God! Not you…" she tearfully gasped out as she reached him. His dogtags were hanging out of his shirt, a telltale sign that it was him because his face had been brutally beaten beyond recognition. The gaping hole in his abdomen said he had taken a point blank shot.

"You know him?" the male soldier said softly. Taking Daniel's hand in hers, closing her eyes and kissing it, Lauren nodded. As she touched his hair, she said, "He's my fiancé." She lifted his battered head gently, reaching with fingers now covered in his blood to remove the tags from his neck. I should have been here to protect you, she thought.

Lauren felt a hand touch her shoulder, and the sudden static shock she felt surprised her. Another biotic? She turned to face the soldier and saw amber brown eyes she had once known.

"Kaidan?" she choked out. The soldier blinked quickly, a quizzical look on his face.

"Yeah…" he said slowly. Studying her face, his eyes suddenly opened in recognition. "Lauren?"

She looked back down at Daniel's body, already feeling cooler to the touch. "I was supposed to be here. He was going to officially pro…" Lauren couldn't get out the rest as a sob came out. She looked at Kaidan, her eyes red, puffy and wild. "I can't fall apart like this," she said in a voice suddenly clear. She dropped Daniel's hand and stood, wiping her eyes brusquely, smearing blood across her face. "My squad is still out there, and I can't be…"

"You can have a moment," Kaidan cut her off gently. "No one would think less of you. Everyone has to take time to grieve." He looked around uncomfortably and took a deep breath. "See that batarian over there?"

Lauren looked at the body. "Yes," she said curtly.

"My squad had just arrived in the area and the batarians were overrunning the beach, gunning down anything that moved. He," Kaidan said, motioning to Daniel, "ran right toward a group of them that had just shot a couple sitting on a blanket. Over there." Lauren turned and saw the bodies. "He distracted them from the kids that were with them. I couldn't run fast enough before the batarians used their guns on his face and then took the shot at his gut. I took that one out. The other two got somewhere over there, but I had to stop because he wasn't dead."

"You don't have to tell me anymore…" Lauren pleaded.

"I think you want to hear it though," Kaidan continued. "I used the medigel I had to try and stop the bleeding, but the wound was too big. He looked at me and asked me to give someone a message. He said, 'Tell Lauren I love her and I'm sorry.'"

Lauren's tears started falling again. She was angry with herself being all sloppy and weeping. Kaidan just needed to shut his goddamn mouth. All these years since they had seen each other and it was humiliating and terrible.

"I didn't know who this Lauren was, and he didn't answer me when I asked." Kaidan looked down at the ground at the man lying between them. "I never would have guessed it was you. I'm so sorry."

Taking a deep, but unsteady breath, Lauren cleared her throat and looked at Kaidan. He recognized that steely gaze. Maybe she hadn't changed as much as he had. "Thank you, Kaidan. I need to get back to my squad," she said. Without looking back, she said, "I'm glad you are well." She walked quickly away calling out orders to her squad.

Kaidan ran his hand through his hair, watching her. She looked so much the same, but different. Her armor was heavier than his own, adding bulk to her still fairly wiry frame. Her hair was short, not the mid-back length it had been when they were teens on Jump Zero. Time had hardened her features some, but she was still beautiful. He looked away and chastised himself for thinking about such things in the midst of such tragedy. As a pair of medics came up with a body bag, Kaidan backed away, rapidly finding more wounded to tend.

Lauren didn't look back. Anger burned in her heart. Though she could see perfectly, she felt blind. Blind by grief, and blind by the need for revenge. She bit her tongue hard until she could taste the metallic tinge of blood. It took this, but now she found her purpose. Someone was going to pay.

**A/N: A double post day! Yay! Big thanks again to galexz and tccarty for their help! Thank you for reading and reviewing!**


	9. Akuze

September 29, 2177. Kaidan's time on the Hyderabad had not gotten any quieter since the Skyllian Blitz over a year ago. The batarians had been beaten badly enough by Alliance forces, but they took it as a moral victory for striking at the heart of human colonization. That meant every few days there was a random faction of brazen batarians striking at some random human colony. Distance meant that Kaidan wasn't always in the heart of the action, but Capt. Krzynski was a man of war.

A veteran of the First Contact War, Krzynski didn't trust a single alien race and he was more than willing to join in a fight. He wasn't a reckless leader who sent his troops into battle unprepared, quite the opposite. He spent hours poring over planetary grids, planning defensive and offensive maneuvers for troops on the ground, and conducting battle exercises for his ship and crew.

_But this_...Kaidan thought as he looked around the planet..._This doesn't look any bit the exciting assignment like Krzynski enjoys._ The leaves on the trees were green and the weather was not unlike an Earth spring. Sighing with gratitude for the peace and quiet, Kaidan trudged through the woods to a clearing, where the captain ordered the group to stop.

"Welcome to Akuze," said Krzynski, his face serious. "Just about a klick to the northeast is another clearing where a group of pioneer colonists have set up their establishment. We got word that no one had heard from the team in over two weeks, as of yesterday. Being the closest ship in the area, we have been assigned to look for the settlers and offer assistance. It could be as simple as a communications malfunction, or it could be something...or someone...more sinister. We've been notified that some batarian scout ships had possibly been spotted in this vicinity in the last few weeks, but nothing was confirmed."

_There it is_, thought Kaidan, _batarians._

"We will hike over to the settlement and see what we can do to help. Corporal Alenko, you'll be in charge of repairs, if the need be," Krzynski ordered.

The trek from their drop-off point to the settlement was a short one, but when they got to the clearing, they were all shocked to see...nothing. The ground was bare. No signs that there had ever been a settlement there at all. Krzynski's brow knit together in concern. "Let's do a sweep of this area and then head back. We'll set up camp for the night and bring in our Mako so we can cover more ground quickly. It's doubtful the colonists could have, or would have gone far."

The sweep yielded nothing but freshly turned soil and a few broken agricultural tools. The area was eerily quiet. There was no indigenous animal life that Kaidan could see. When they had gone through the woods he could hear the strange calls of some alien wildlife, but now there was only silence. The captain looked as disconcerted as the rest of the squad. "We'll get to the bottom of this," he said quietly as they walked back to their landing site.

The makeshift camp was already bustling with activity. The Mako had been dropped and a larger contingent of soldiers were in the clearing setting up their temporary housing. Since it was now growing dark, Kaidan could smell a pungent odor wafting through the air, which he attributed to the MREs that some of the soldiers were already eating. The smell was unappetizing and Kaidan decided to walk toward where the Mako was parked. He half-smiled to himself as he looked at the machine.

Maybe he could convince the captain to give him a turn at the wheel tomorrow. He ran his hand over the side of the vehicle, examining the armored exterior. He heard a slight rumble and went around to the hatch to see if someone else was inside the truck and had turned on the engine.  
Kaidan opened the door to the tiny interior and climbed in. A much louder rumble rolled through and this time he felt the earth move from beneath the truck. Kaidan ran out of the Mako and saw the ground open up right in the middle of the camp. The shrieks of the other soldiers rang out, but were quickly muffled as they were swallowed by the largest creature Kaidan had ever seen.

The enormous worm-like beast howled and spit a substance that burnt through the tents, the nearby crates...and flesh. The strange odor he had smelled earlier was now filling the air and he knew it came from the creature. Kaidan jumped back inside the Mako and turned it on, powering up its shields. He peered through the tiny windshield, looking desperately to see if anyone was running his way. He saw no one...he didn't even see their camp anymore. Aiming the Mako's gun, he took the best shot he could with what little experience he had with it. The shot grazed one of its face tentacles, and it screeched in anger and pain.

The monster submerged and Kaidan felt the ground beneath him shake even more ferociously. Waiting until the ground shook so badly he could barely hold the controls steady, he quickly shut the hatch and backed the Mako out of the cleared area, tearing into the trees that surrounded it. He tried not to move too far away, his eyes searching fruitlessly for someone from the crew. _Anyone. Oh God, no. There has to be someone else._ Kaidan hit the emergency beacon on the Mako.

A voice crackled over the comm. "This is the _Hyderabad_. What's going on down there?"

"This is Corporal Alenko." Kaidan's voice was unmistakably shaken. "We need help. Something...just...swallowed up the camp."

"What?"

"Goddamnit, get someone down here! Now!" Kaidan yelled. "Everyone is gone!" He sank back into the Mako's seat, his heart pounding wildly and his body trembling uncontrollably.

x-X-x

"A thresher maw," said the bespectacled Alliance scientist. "We knew they were indigenous to Tuchanka. We did not know there were other planets they inhabit."

Kaidan rested his face in his hands and barely listened as the scientist droned on. "Probably the cause of the disappearing colonists." "Lucky to get out alive." "First time any human has survived an attack." "Take some leave. Go home." At that Kaidan looked up. The scientist's features had softened some. "You've been questioned on this enough, son. We want to know what happened, and the Mako's sensors can likely give us more information. You've been through hell and you've done your best."

Leaving the room, Kaidan walked slowly, the weight on his mind feeling physical. _The only survivor...why? Why me? I should have been with the rest of them and died fighting. I'm just a coward._

**A/N: So I thought I'd change it up a bit...Kaidan is a Sole Survivor! Good twist or not?**


	10. Torfan

May 13, 2178. The terrain was dark and shadowy, since the moon Torfan held little atmosphere. It was inhospitable to life, but the batarians still had built up a significant stronghold there. And it was because of that stronghold that she was here. Alliance brass were determined to strike back in retaliation for the Blitz, and Lauren was right with them, requesting to lead her own ground squad.

Daniel's death on Elysium drove a dark iron into her soul. She wanted to exact revenge on anyone that could possibly have been connected to the cowards that killed the man she had loved. Her only criterion for connection:_ if it's batarian, it dies._

She could see in the starry sky overhead that the battle was already being waged in space, and from her vantage point it looked like both sides must be taking heavy losses. However, the batarians had yet to notice her presence on the ground. The fortified building they came upon was not unlike the others that she had dealt with during N-school, and her face creased into a bitter smile. "This'll be easy, motherfuckers," she muttered.

Giving her squad directions, she sent half to the left and she the the other half to the right to take out the turrets on each side of the fortification. As they approached, the guns began firing. Lauren had ordered the squad to leave their Makos behind a ridge so they could stealthily approach, and she knew their own armor was no match for the guns. But now those guns were trained to their positions and started picking them off easily.

"Shit!" yelled Lauren as she ran toward the building. At least against the wall the guns couldn't reach them. Slamming her body flat against the wall, Lauren called up the other half of her squad. "Bravo team...come in!"

"Bravo here ma'am, but it is only me, Private Walker," the male voice answered.

"No one else?" She looked out toward that direction and could see the bodies of the rest of his team and knew it was the truth. "Fuck." She bit her lip and the image of Daniel's broken, bloodied body floated through her memory. _Like hell they are going to beat me. I'm going to fucking make them pay._ "Stay against the wall, Walker. We'll wait here for you, and you'll come with us."

Having Walker proved to be useful since he was an engineer. He easily hacked the locks on a side entrance hatch. As the handful of troops left in Lauren's squad rushed in, the batarians were waiting in the loading bay, hiding behind crates and firing. A couple more troops fell as they entered, picked off easily by the batarians. _God fucking damnit. Stay down!_ Lauren thought angrily.

Taking refuge behind their own set of crates, Lauren's squad fought bravely, even though they were seriously outnumbered. Lauren herself used every available skill she had, taxing her biotics greatly. Blood poured from her nose and her limbs were heavy from exertion. Adrenaline flowed though and she was feeling no pain, even laughing when she'd see another batarian fall. Suddenly, the door opened on the batarian's side of the bay. "Stop!" the official looking batarian yelled. "Cease fire! We surrender!"

Cautiously, Lauren and the two soldiers left with her stood, eyeing the batarian. His face was sincere...and frightened. She could see he was unarmed as he walked closer to her position.

"Batarian forces have agreed to surrender. Word just came down from the Hierarchy. The losses are too great," he said.

The rest of the batarians started laying down their weapons and walking toward the Alliance trio. Lauren blinked in disbelief._ It cannot end like this. This is too damn easy._ Anger and hatred boiled inside of her. _There were at least 30, maybe 40 batarians surrendering._ Hot tears began falling down Lauren's face. _These motherfuckers are getting off too fucking easy._ Her fists tightened and her body began to glow brightly with dark energy.

"Lieutenant?" Walker's hand was on Lauren's shoulder. "You ok?"

"Get the fuck out of here, Walker. You and Neff. Take a hike. Now." Lauren's voice was tight and controlled and strangely quiet.

"Ma'am?"

Lauren maintained a low, chilly tone. "Move it, soldier. Call for backup. Outside." The two privates moved away uneasily as Lauren stayed planted, glaring at the batarians that were now lined up in front of her.

"I'm Commander Hagluk," said the leading batarian. "We submit ourselves to your custody."

Lauren's eyes closed slowly as she stayed silent, her body still awash with biotics. _For you, Daniel. You are my reason._ Her eyes opened and she let out a shriek, her head flying back. A biotic shockwave exploded from her body, tearing into the batarian ranks. Bodies, limbs and crates were thrown into complete and bloody disarray. Those who survived the initial shockwave were soon thrown against the walls of the room.

Lauren was no longer a thinking, rational person. She was a killing machine bent on revenge. If something moved, her entire biotic force was thrown at it. Within minutes, the room was quiet again and Lauren stood in the same spot she had been, breathing heavily. Looking around, she saw the carnage and was horrified.

Privates Walker and Neff reentered the room. "Lieuten...," started Walker. Lauren looked at them, her entire armor spattered with blood and flesh, even her helmet was covered. He could see through her visor the terrified look in her eyes. "Oh my God..."

x-X-x

Kaidan was sitting in a hotel room on the Citadel, dozing. The news was on, but it wasn't entirely interesting. When Lauren's face appeared on the screen, he sat up and took notice.

"Lt. Lauren Shepard was taken into Alliance custody last week," the announcer said. "Alliance officials kept the news under wraps until a batarian news team broke the story late last night. The highly decorated soldier is accused of killing nearly 50 unarmed batarians during the raid on Torfan. Alliance officials concede that this was after the agreed-upon batarian surrender. The Batarian Hierarchy is calling for Shepard to be executed for her war crimes."

The news changed to a shot of Shepard being led by other Alliance soldiers through a corridor. They were surrounded by the press and a loud contigent of batarians who crying out, "Death to the Butcher of Torfan!" Her face was stoic and the shouts seemed to have no effect. A reporter suddenly was heard over the din. "Lt. Shepard, can you just tell us why?"

Kaidan could see, even with the grainy condition of the vid, that Lauren's eyes were sad. She stopped and faced the camera. "They took something from me. I took it back."

**A/N: A turn to the dark side...Thank you for the follows, favorites and especially the reviews!**


	11. Repercussions

June 3, 2178. Lauren sat quietly, her eyes downcast. Alliance officials had essentially smuggled her back to Earth since the outcry was so huge after the Torfan incident. She replayed those moments over and over in her head, trying to come up with a good defense. She knew she was guaranteed to be court-martialed and she was just waiting for that order to come down. She wondered why it hadn't yet.

Her room was more or less a house arrest so she couldn't go anywhere or contact anyone. A therapist had been assigned to her, and the same people delivered her meals, so she wasn't completely isolated. She hadn't heard from anyone she actually knew since that day..._before everything happened._

Maybe now she understood why Kaidan had been so inconsolable after killing Vyrnnus. Lauren had killed batarians and vorcha...even a few krogan before, but they had been faceless. No soul behind the flesh. On Torfan, it had been different. They talked to her, and not just the normal battlefield mocking that came on a regular basis. _That one officer...he had tried to surrender_. Suddenly, more weight lay on her own already beaten-down soul. _He had a family...probably people who loved him. A mother, a father...just like me._

She let out a dejected sigh and slumped lower on the sparse bunk that was in the room. Suddenly, the door slid open and a large man stood in the doorway. _Anderson._ His expression showed disappointment.

Lauren stood and saluted. Anderson didn't return the action. Instead, he just sat down in the only chair in the room. He pinched his nose and closed his eyes. "Shepard..."

She calmly responded as she sat back down on the bed. "I'm sorry, sir. I lost control. It was just me and them...and I couldn't let them live, sir. Not after what they took from me. But know this, sir, it will never happen again."

"What? What did they take?" Anderson let out a big sigh. "Shepard, I had such faith in you."

"Two years ago, I was on Elysium during the Blitz. We were supposed to be there for shore leave and I was to meet my...well, he was supposed to become my fiance. I already had the ring." Lauren touched the ring that remained on her left hand. "He was there already, unarmed...and they shot him, point blank. Never had a chance. I don't know what happened on Torfan, sir...I just remembered that and him and my rage boiled over. It manifested itself in my biotics. I've never done anything like that before. A few of them survived, at first, but I had to finish them off."

Putting his hands on his knees, he looked Lauren directly in the eyes. "I'm not saying I don't understand why you did it. What I am saying is I've seen others cross that line, and you don't want to go down that direction, Shepard. I can see it in your eyes that you aren't the monster the batarians think you are. You aren't beyond redemption."

"Yes, sir," Lauren said, looking down.

"Admiral Hackett agreed, after a lot of persuasion on my part, to let you off with a reprimand and order you to continue therapy, but you will remain on active duty...groundside though, in Vancouver, for now."

Lauren closed her eyes and reopened them slowly. She knew she deserved worse, so part of her was grateful they weren't drumming her out of the service. "Where will I be, sir?"

"You are going to be at Alliance research and development. Our knowledge of biotics is still rudimentary, especially with armor and weapons. You are going to help them."

x-X-x

June 8, 2178. Kaidan awoke again, shrieking and damp with sweat. His mother came rushing in. "Are you ok, dear?"

"Yeah, Mom...just a nightmare. I was on Akuze again." He noticed his eyes were watery and wiped it away before any tears fell, thankful for the dark.

"I'm so sorry, Kaidan. Life just hasn't been fair to you." Even though he was nearly double the weight of his petite mother, she pulled him into her arms and stroked his hair. For a moment, as childish as it was, Kaidan let her and tried to let his fears drift away like they had when he was a child.

She let go and stood up. "I know it is hard on you to be here and not out somewhere in the galaxy like you had been, but I'm so glad you are home. Having you here since they put you at Alliance R&D has been the best thing I could have asked for."

"I'm more happy about not being out there than you realize, Mom."

His mom started talking without thinking. "Maybe you'll find a nice girl...settle down. Lots of men your age are getting married."

Kaidan tipped his head to the side. "Mom, I'm not anywhere near that...besides I haven't even gone on a date in...in a few years." Kaidan suddenly felt pathetic.

"Well, I'm not trying to rush you...I'm sorry, I'm being very inconsiderate." Ivy Alenko smiled sweetly up at her son.

"You're fine, Mom. Maybe someday. Now go back to bed."

The next morning, Kaidan headed out to catch the transport to work. He climbed aboard at the stop and started nursing the coffee he was holding as he looked for a seat.

"Kaidan?" A female voice sounded. He looked in that direction. He saw a girl in the same Alliance jacket as his, but hers had a distinctive N7 insignia on the right breast. Her hair was a bright red, but the face and the gray blue eyes were familiar.

"Lauren."


	12. Reacquainted and Reassigned

Kaidan sat down beside Lauren. "What happened to your hair? I thought it was brown the last time I saw you."

Lauren self-consciously fingered the short red locks. She spoke barely above an audible whisper. "It was and it was long...to the middle of my back. The Alliance made me cut and dye it so I could change my look some...basically to protect me from anyone pissed about Torfan."

Kaidan sat quietly without looking at her. He wasn't sure what to say or if he should say anything. After a few long moments, she broke the silence.

"You want to know about it, to know why, don't you," she said without really asking a question.

"I saw you on the news," started Kaidan.

"I barely remember any of that...I was just numb," she explained. "During N-school, I remember Anderson getting pissed at me because I told him I didn't care. I mean, we were going after pirates and mercs and whatever, but besides 'taking out the bad guys,'" she said holding up finger quotations, "what was the point?"

"You're keeping human colonies safe. You are helping people," Kaidan stated.

"Yeah, I get that...but that's not enough for me...maybe it's selfish, I don't know, but I just can't rally up the strength day after day to put my ass on the line to stop a drug smuggling operation. But when those batarians killed Daniel..." Her lip quivered. "_In cold blood_...I guess I just wanted to return the favor. For a moment I guess I thought I had found the reason to fight that Anderson told me get." She swallowed hard and kept the tears welling up from falling. "I know that sounds awful and heartless, but they killed someone I loved and I needed to make them hurt too, but revenge isn't nearly as sweet as it should be."

A sad smile crossed Kaidan's face. "Yeah, I understand. That's how I felt too when Vyrnnus hurt Rahna...I just wanted to hurt him though. I just..."

Lauren continued. "I sort of knew what I was doing, but my rage just overtook me and I..."

"_Lost contro_l." They said in unison. Two sad faces looked at each other, trying to find some solace and maybe some redemption in the other's eyes.

"Maybe I told you then, I don't really remember, but I always felt like I never said thank you for being there with me after everything with Vyrnnus," Kaidan said.

Lauren gave a quick, but wan, smile. "I really didn't have a choice. I was taken to the same places you were."

"I know, but you didn't have to be nice."

"Well, after Indi left...you were kind of my best friend."

"But after...you saw me and Rahna..."

"I acted all pissy?" Lauren finished and even gave a little laugh. "Yeah, let's just chalk that up to immaturity. I still wanted you to be my friend. Just wasn't good at showing it."

An awkward silence followed. Kaidan wouldn't dare tell her about those fleeting moments of attraction he had had...especially now that they were reawakening with her so near. Lauren was afraid to remember the crush she used to have on Kaidan because she just wasn't ready to let Daniel go yet.

The transport stopped at Alliance R&D headquarters. They both stood. "This is your stop too?" Kaidan asked.

"Yeah, I start today. I guess I'm helping develop armor to help biotics and weapons to defend from biotics."

"I guess we're co-workers then. That's where I am. It gets really tiring, but the snacks are good," Kaidan chuckled as they got off the transport and they walked toward the building.

"How did you get here?" Lauren asked. "Did you screw up like I did?"

The smile fell from Kaidan's face. "No," was his short reply. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh."

Kaidan looked serious. "Maybe someday, ok? I am glad to see you, especially not on the battlefield."

"Yeah, Kaidan. I'm glad too. It'd be nice to be friends again."

x-X-x

April 12, 2181. Kaidan was moved in late 2180 to a top secret department that Lauren could not enter and he wouldn't talk about. She was curious because it was about that same time that turians started being seen in the building. But today she caught a glimpse of Tevos, the asari Councillor, talking with Anderson. This made the whole thing very unusual. She had never seen or heard of any of the Citadel Council ever making a trip to Earth.

"Come on, Kaidan..." Lauren pleaded on the transport home. "Tell me something...anything!"

"I can't...it's all classified. I could get court-martialed."

She impulsively grabbed his hand. "I swear on everything that is sacred and holy I won't tell a soul!" He felt the rush of her biotics from the touch. Then he smiled at her and let go of her hand. She was still wearing the ring Daniel had given her.

"I guess I never noticed you still wear that," he said, grateful for the distraction.

Lauren looked caught off-guard for a second, but rallied with an embarrassed smile. "Yeah, I really loved him. It's more sentimental now. Can't bring him back."

"You ever thought about moving on?" The words fell out of Kaidan's mouth before he could stop them. Once again Lauren looked surprised.

"Well, to be honest...sometimes...yeah, I do. Just haven't found the right person, I guess..." Her voice trailed off.

"You feel like you'd be cheating, don't you?" Kaidan said softly. She nodded.

"Yeah, I understand. I'd probably feel the same way," he said. No one spoke again before Kaidan reached his stop. Both were wrapped up in their own thoughts. Kaidan was mentally kicking himself and wondering if he actually did ask her to dinner if she would say yes, or would that be considered fraternization since she did outrank him, but then decided it wouldn't necessarily because though they were in the same building, they weren't serving together, so it could possibly be ok. Maybe after approval from their supervisors, but he was getting ahead of himself...

Lauren stared at her ring. She did miss Daniel, but now it was like she missed Indi. They were both years gone. There were hollow places in her heart where they had once been, but they weren't raw anymore. She also thought about the datapad in her pocket that held a message from Anderson. She was supposed to meet him tomorrow at 0830...

x-X-x

She walked into the spartan office where Anderson sat. Tevos was there, and at her side was Ambassador Donnell Udina as well. Lauren saluted Anderson and Udina then greeted Tevos, who simply gave a polite nod.

"Lt. Lauren Shepard," said Anderson to Tevos, as a means of introduction. Lauren knew Udina from meeting with him after Torfan. "Shepard, we've got something big in the works. I'm sure you've heard rumors."

"No, sir, not really," Lauren said honestly. "I've kept my head down and I don't hear much."

"Well, it's time to bring you into the fold. The Alliance is working with the Council and specifically the turians on an experimental ship," said Udina

Tevos continued, "We are hoping that this new alliance of humans and turians will help strengthen the galactic community, especially so soon after the war between your races. Both groups are sharing technology and expertise to develop a new kind of ship. One that we hope the Citadel Council will be able to replicate and use for our own fleet."

"I don't know how this involves me...I've only been used for weapons and armor research in recent years," said a perplexed Lauren.

"Right," said Anderson, "but you have already proven yourself a capable soldier. We honestly had to give you...time...time after Torfan. You may not know this, but you were the most well-known human soldier in the galaxy...the most notorious. We had to let that settle down. Besides the batarians, the galaxy has pretty much forgotten Torfan...and since I'm going to be in command of this new ship, I knew I wanted my executive officer to be one of our best. That...is you."

"I've never been an XO before, sir," started Lauren. "Wouldn't you rather have..."

"No, I don't. I'm an old soldier set in his ways and I need someone young with fresh ideas and I've seen you through N-school. I know you are the woman for the job. Being an XO can be learned and we have time. Leadership, on the other hand, is something that a person either has or doesn't."

"Thank you, sir..." Then she looked at Tevos and Udina. "Um, thank you too?"

"We had nothing to do with this," Udina said snidely. "You can thank Admiral Hackett and Capt. Anderson. Now if you will excuse us, Captain. The Councillor and I must take our leave and head back to the Citadel."

"By all means," said Anderson, standing in respect. "Thank you Councillor. I'm sure you will inform Councillor Sparatus of our progress and invite him to see the work being done."

"Indeed we will, Captain," answered Tevos. "I know personally that Sparatus is quite anxious to finish his other duties in order to see this project. Lt. Shepard, it was a pleasure."

As Tevos and Udina left the room, Anderson sat back down and leaned back. "Shepard, I'm taking you under my wing. You are going to know the ins and outs of this new ship. How it works, weapons, shields, crew contingent, everything..."

x-X-x

On the ride home, Lauren quickly found her seat beside Kaidan. She looked at him with a smile, leaned in and quietly whispered, "_Normandy_."

**A/N: This completes Service! I will soon move on to the novelization of the ME Trilogy for Lauren. Thank you for the follows, the favorites, and the encouraging reviews!**


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